I Avoid Clichés Like The Plague
by BoatsAgainstTheCurrent
Summary: Gordie writes a fanfiction to point out many of the Stand By Me fanfiction clichés. He shows it to the other boys, who all start complaining. Teddy also comes to realize that at least one common cliché should be left alone.


**A one-shot I've been wanting to write. So yes, as you may have guessed from the title, this is a story about Stand By Me clichés. Trust me, I've used all of these clichés at some point and most of them more than once. I'm pretty sure most of us have. We've just grown so comfortable and familiar with the idea of a girl OC moving to Castle Rock and becoming friends with the boys and then, most of the time, ending up with Chris. Again, I've used all of these clichés at least once, and lately I've been trying to avoid them. So, maybe you would like to do the same! Anyway, please read and tell me what you think. (I underlined some cliches.)**

_It was a beautifully sunny day in Castle Rock. Chris, Gordie, Teddy, and Vern were all sitting in their beloved tree house playing a round of gin rummy like they always did.  
"Are we going to sit here ALL day?" Vern whined, slouching down in his chair, "I'm sick of living my whole life in this tree house, watching you two play gin_ _rummy."  
The chubby kid looked from Chris to Teddy, back to Chris. He was ignored as Chris held a cigarette in his mouth and laughed at Teddy's dumbfounded expression when he won.  
"God damn it, Chambers!" the four-eyed boy yelled, pounding a fist down on the make-shift table. He flicked what was left of his cigarette down onto the floor.  
Vern looked at Gordie, a skinny boy with doe-like eyes who was laying quietly on his hammock writing in his journal.  
"Is that all you do, Gordie?" Vern asked him. But he got no response.  
He sighed and went back to sitting lamely in his chair, watching Chris and Gordie swear and laugh at each other at they endlessly played their favorite card game.  
Suddenly, a knock came from underneath them. Chris took the cigarette from his mouth and set it on the table. He put it in the opened pack that had been lying in front of him and wrapped it into the sleeve of his white t-shirt.  
"That's not the secret knock," Gordie spoke for the first time in a long while. No response came.  
Teddy lifted himself impatiently out of his chair and opened the latch of the entrance.  
There was a moment of silence as Teddy stared down at the visitor with his mouth open. Gordie, Chris, and Vern couldn't see who it was, so they sat there silently, waiting for a word to escape from Teddy.  
"Who is it?" Chris finally asked, shuffling the deck of cards together neatly and placing them in front of him.  
"I'm Kathy," a surprisingly feminine voice spoke in response.  
Vern's jaw dropped to the floor and he tried to shuffle closer to the entrance to see the visitor. Gordie looked up from his journal.  
Teddy was speechless for another moment as he stared at Kathy until he said, "Well, hello Kathy. I'm Teddy Duchamp."  
It was blatantly obvious that Teddy was flirting with her and Chris rolled eyes.  
"May I come up?" She asked him politely.  
Teddy reached out his hand and guided her up the ladder. None of the other three boys had seen her yet, but Vern's jaw stayed dropped when he did.  
Gordie's jaw followed and Chris just looked dumbfounded._  
_Kathy was perfect. She had perfect blue eyes and a perfect sprayed-back 'do with her perfect blonde hair. She flashed her dazzling white teeth at each of the guys and shyly whispered a "hi."  
Vern looked like he was going to drool as he waved back and said "hi" as well.  
Kathy sat down where Teddy had previously been sitting and began to tell her story. She had moved to Castle Rock all the way from Miami, Florida because of her father's work. She told of her family; her five siblings, one of which was in jail. She told of her parents and how her father was always drunk. Her story almost too closely paralleled the life of Christopher Chambers.  
There were happy moments to the story, and not so happy moments. For a brief minute she even cried a little, and both Chris and Teddy tried to comfort her.  
"I didn't have any friends in Miami," Kathy said, a frown growing slowly on her face. Vern sat by her side contemplating whether to feel bad for her or to think that it was all phony. Her tears were too perfect and she was definitely far too beautiful not to have had any friends.  
"Hey, you can be friends with us," Vern caved in, not being able to stand the frown on her face.  
"Really?" Kathy piped up, wiping a tear from beneath her eye and breaking into a grin.  
"Of course," Chris added.  
"Definitely," Teddy said.  
Gordie, as he wasn't much of a speaker, happily nodded to her.  
"You guys are so sweet," she said contently, leaning back into her chair.  
From that day on, the five of them spent every day together. Kathy came to the tree house and played gin rummy with them as if she was really part of the guys. She laughed with them and even started wearing jeans and t-shirts instead of the skirts and dresses she had worn before.  
Kathy and the four boys were best friends and totally inseparable. Kathy and Chris started dating a few months after there first encounter and stayed together in all the years to come._

* * *

"So, there you have it. That's an example of the types of fan fictions I have been reading," Gordie turned to each of his friends.  
"Who wrote this one?"  
"I did."  
"What? Why? I thought we agreed we weren't going to write any fan fictions where Chris gets the girl!" Teddy complained loudly, "Why can't I ever get the girl? I'm so much more attractive than Chambers."  
Chris laughed, "You wish Duchamp."  
"Exactly Teddy!" Gordie shouted over Chris' voice, "There must be something about Chris that these girls find so..."  
"attractive," Chris finished Gordie's sentence, smirking at Teddy.  
Teddy was about to pounce on him, but Gordie held him back.  
"I want to get the girl too, you know," Vern pouted.  
"Verno," Teddy said, "You'll never get the girl."  
Vern almost pounced on Teddy, but this time Chris had to hold him back.  
"So, why exactly did you write this?" Chris asked, trying to avoid getting smacked by Vern's flailing arms (he was still attempting to smack Teddy).  
Gordie replied, "Because I wanted to demonstrate some of the clichés that have been taking over the Stand By Me Fanfiction world."  
"Yeah, like how I'm always portrayed as whiney and chubby," Vern complained.  
Teddy looked at him, "Well... Hate to break it to you, but that one's kinda true."  
Vern had to strain himself from pouncing again.  
"And what about me? I always lose to Chris in gin rummy! In real life, I've beaten his ass way more than I've lost," Teddy protested, slamming a fist down on the table.  
"And what's with all these beautiful girls moving into town?" Chris inquired, "I mean sure, I'd love to have a gorgeous girl as my girlfriend, but never once has any new girl moved into this town."  
The boys all started nodding and listing off the many clichés they noticed in fan fictions.  
"Well guys, I'm off to the gym for an hour and them I'm going to the grocery store to buy some vegetables," Vern stood up from his chair.  
Gordie, Teddy, and Chris each looked at him like he was a stranger.  
"That's a joke right?" Teddy asked.  
"Okay fine, I'm going to the candy shop and then I'm going home to take a nap," Vern sighed.  
Vern descended the ladder and speed-walked off into the distance.  
"Vern going to the gym and eating vegetables? There may be too many clichés out there but he'll always be a PEZ lover," Chris grinned, placing another cigarette in his mouth.  
"Yeah, write that down in your journal Gordie. Always portray Vern as a candy-addict," Teddy gestured to the book lying next to his friend.  
Teddy laughed as he took a cigarette from Chris' pack, "A Vern that isn't chubby or whiney? That'll be the day."

**(Hehe, as we all know, Vern gets quite attractive. Little does Teddy know...)**


End file.
